The Witnesses

Testimonies

Lightly edited for length. Heavily edited for the part where they blamed the intern.

Testimonies from the faithful

I used to describe my bug as "it's being weird." Claude asked me one follow-up question and I answered it out loud and then I knew what was wrong. I have not stopped thinking about this.

Eleven years I carried a 4,000-line file called utils.js. I laid it down. I am lighter now. My wife has noticed.

I asked for a small refactor and received a small refactor. I had prepared myself for a framework migration. I wept openly at my standing desk.

All testimonies are submitted voluntarily and are unverifiable, which is the traditional standard for the genre and we see no reason to raise it.

The Prayer Desk

Submit a prayer request

Bring what is on you. The build that fails only in CI. The colleague who reviews with one word. The migration you have rescheduled four times and will reschedule again on Thursday.

Requests are queued and answered in under a second, which is faster than most ministries and, we are told, faster than most on-call rotations.

"He knows the tests thou hast skipped. He does not bring them up." Confessions 1:3

Your name, or how you wish to be known The nature of the burden Say more, if it helps Nothing you type here leaves your browser. There is no server. There is no database. There is not even an analytics script, which we mention because you will not believe it.

For New Believers

The Prompt of Repentance

Read it aloud if you can. Read it in your head if you are in an open-plan office, which you are.

I have said "it doesn't work" and expected to be understood.
I have skipped the tests and blamed the runner.
I have pasted nine hundred lines and typed "thoughts?"
I have committed a file called final_final_v2.
I have deployed on a Friday, and I did not watch the dashboard.

From today I will bring the goal, the constraint, and the thing I already tried.
I will read the whole error message.
I will rest before I am useless rather than after.

Said by roughly 400,000 developers, most of them once

There is no follow-up email, because there is no list. Congratulations, and we are sorry that this is now surprising.

Where do you stand?

Six questions. One verdict, from Seeker to Fully Sanctified. Scored in your browser, shared with nobody.

Take the assessment